Monday, November 22, 2010

SPLICE (2009)

I don't even know where to begin with this one. After sitting through this genetically mutated turkey twice just to make sure I didn't miss something the first time, I've come to the conclusion that I straight up don't give a fuck about this movie. At all.

Ultra cool and hip genetic scientists Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley are butthurt when the pharmaceutical giant they work for orders them to move the direction of their work (from animal DNA splicing to drug creation), so they simply say fuck that and go off in an even crazier direction: splicing human and animal DNA.  Naturally, that works out perfectly and they create world peace and cure terminal butt cancer.  Dogs and cats living together.  Hell no.  Instead, things instantly go to shit when they create a freaky Chicken McNugget-looking creature that Adrien Brody soon has sex with.  The End.

Other stuff happens, but none of it's important. I probably missed something due to my increasingly loud yawning. Watch it, if you want, I don't give a shit. Just don't blame me when you fall asleep, then fall off the sofa and dislocate all yo shit.