Thursday, July 26, 2012

MUTANT HUNT (1987)

I don't think anybody has ever mistaken MUTANT HUNT for a great movie...if they have they're a fucking idiot, but it is a fun movie (to laugh at) and sometimes that's all you need.

Set in the near future, MUTANT HUNT tells the heartwarming story of a bunch of peaceful cyborgs who like to get high. One of the side effects of a cyborg getting high is they get pleasure from killing humans. Sounds reasonable enough. Humanity's only hope at stopping these bloodthirsty "jellyheads" is tighty-whitey wearing, robot bounty hunter Matt Riker. Aaaaannd that's about it. Matt and his buddies wander around deserted industrial areas, fight a few robots, mention the "space shuttle sex massacre", eat Chinese take out, fight some punks, elbow a woman in the face and eventually locate the evil dude that drugged the cyborgs and kick his ass. The End.

Only worth watching if you're into this sort of super low budget, 80's action garbage and even then I don't recommend watching it alone. Boredom might set in. I was almost in a full blown coma by final showdown, but with some like-minded friends over you should have a fun time.
Clothing visible even though she's getting out of the shower.

Monday, July 23, 2012

I'LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (2006)

IAKWYDLS (or IKWYDLS3 as I like to call it) has no connection with either IKWYDLS or ISKWYDLS. There's some mention of a Fisherman legend or whatever, but that's it. The film opens with a group of nerds hanging out at a carnival. Suddenly, The Fisherman shows up and starts chasing people around. Ends up it's just a stupid prank by the teenagers, but when they find out somebody died during the prank chaos they all swear to keep the joke a secret. I'm sure you can guess what happens next? That's right, the Fisherman's ghost travels from his grave in the Caribbean all the way to Colorado to haunt these goobers and chase them around with a hook and send them text messages.

Graded against every other Slasher movie ever made in the last 10 years IAKWYDLS is about average since nearly every Slasher movie ever made in the last 10 years pretty much sucks. Poopy looking special effects, dead in the water story, annoying characters, zero gore, very little blood, silly looking bad guy and worse of all is just the way the general look of the movie. I don't know what you call that grainy/lame colour effect, but it sucked. I say skip this turkey with a vengeance and never look back. The only redeeming value IAKWYDLS has it it stars that girl from the underrated insect attack movie INFESTATION, but sadly she's totally wasted here.

Part 1 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Part 2 - I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

More like 92 minutes, amirite?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER (1959)

[Update 02/26/2021: need to redo this review and update all of the screenshots.]

Light comedy about a free-spirited dude back in the late 1800's who runs a successful business with two branches, one in Philadelphia and the other in Harrisburg. That's all fine and dandy except that he also has a secret family in both towns with a total of seventeen kids!!! Somehow he's been able to keep the news of the two different families a secret for all of these years, but now that his oldest daughter (from the Harrisburg family) is getting married and the cat might be out of the bag.

The premise for THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER is pretty outrageous and ripe for all kinds of crazy THE MIRACLE OF MORGAN'S CREEK-style hijinks, but it just never happens. The reason Preston Sturges was so successful with TMOMC is he took an outrageous subject matter and went way over the top with it. Unfortunately, TRMP takes an outrageous subject matter and just kinda sits there like a bump on a log. Yeah, there's a few risque jokes and a some humorous moments, but there's never any real sense of danger or consequences for Pennypacker's actions. He's just kinda like "Whatever! Fuck it!" the entire movie.

THE REMARKABLE MR. PENNYPACKER is a pleasant movie that goes by fast enough, but I think it played it too safe for it's own good and just kinda whitewashed over a lot of the more unpleasant things that would arise from a situation like this. Worth a watch.